I’m inclined to connecting with people. And then I still get the feeling I need to do things – and have time – for myself. I have to do something where I am very definitely Declan, and even if I am not doing it for myself, it’s still Declan doing it for others. Being with myself, and connecting with my own inner space.
And then almost every time after a couple of hours, or a couple of days, when being on my own, I get this feeling of loneliness. Maybe it’s because of the fact that I am coming out of this large family – we were always doing things together.
The only thing I ever did alone was play the piano. And of course they loved it when I played well but didn’t like it when I was practicing. I’m sure I drove them silly with going on with one piece all the time. I never had the feeling of loneliness when I was with the piano because that was an immediate interaction.
I sometimes have the feeling of loneliness when I am writing, when I am very definitely doing something for me. If I am doing something for somebody else, like a design, I don’t feel lonely.
Loneliness, to me, is not a negative thing, it’s a step towards getting something done, something realized, just finding myself again. There is a part of me that wants it, needs it, must do something. It’s almost a ‘must’, a push within me. I think that’s the reason why I am a world changer, it’s a push within me to improve the situation, for ourselves and for others.
Loneliness then often goes into action, doing something, and action to me has always meant that something comes out of it, that it’s not blind actionism, that it’s very much centered and very much towards making something, doing something, getting somewhere. That also brings a lovely feedback of feeling fulfilled.
I do have a very quick reconnection to my maker, to the divine. I understand: The sense of loneliness is almost like a correction. It is almost saying to me: Listen, Declan, there is no need for loneliness, you are a part of everything. Out of your being on your own you create something new in connection with others. That makes me happy.